It started with a word...

April 23, 2008

I'm learning to knit. I suck... but I'm still learning. I only started a few days ago.

I wish Doug was home more often. Sometimes I feel like all I do all the time is wait for Doug. I'm always waiting for him to come around. Maybe my life revolves around him too much. I know his life is mainly centered around me, but he also has work and stuff. It would probably help if I had something to break up my days, to make my life feel interesting. It might make me feel better about all the waiting.

April 22, 2008

I feel like I don't have anything to say anymore. I could say what I did all day, but it gets redundant. I'm starting to feel like my life is just a circle of events repeating over and over and over until I'm just so dizzy. I don't think there's really any way to escape that. I imagine everyone feels like that most of the time. I just wish my days didn't blend together, and that my life wasn't just a constant of waiting for the weekend to finally arrive. But there's nothing I can do about it.

April 21, 2008

I've been thinking a lot today about mine and Doug's relationship. We are coming up to our second wedding anniversary, and that will mean we've been together, locally, as long as we've been apart. It's kind of weird because the apart part still seems like it was so much longer than the together part. Time passes so quickly when we're together. Even weekends and evenings pass much more quickly than the weekdays do. I don't understand how 60 minutes can feel so long and so short without actually changing, but whatever. I'm feeling deep in thought today.

April 20, 2008

Today was pretty uneventful. We did the normal Sunday thing, and then came home and slept. Doug was feeling sick pretty much all day and that's never fun. I'm really sad the weekend is over, but I'm looking forward to next weekend, since it is our 2nd anniversary and Doug is taking a 4 day weekend. It will be so nice just to be together for 4 WHOLE days. We have no plans, yet, but I know it will be a good weekend just because we'll get to be together. I know, that's really really cheesy.

April 19, 2008

Today has been a really great day. I think it's been the best Saturday we've had in a while. We got out to play some tennis, and I think that just made the rest of the day better. I always feel better when I do some sort of physical activity, even more so when I'm outside! I actually didn't do too bad! We also got to go out to a fancy dinner for free. I love weekends with Doug, I just wish they lasted longer. Hopefully tomorrow is another really great day to spend together!

April 18, 2008

Tonight Doug and I painted together. We sort of did the same scene, but with our own interpretations. I used water colors and Doug used oils. It was pretty cool. Doug's painting was really good, I liked it a lot. It's my desktop background now. It wasn't perfect or anything, but I was really impressed. He also taught me how to do a cool coloring effect to make the tree look more realistic and have more depth. We had a fun time painting together, and I am hoping we will do it more often.

April 17, 2008

I've done absolutely nothing of value or importance today. It's very sad how often this happens. I took another nap today (I took one yesterday as well). I'm so lazy. Tomorrow will be better as I'm going for a run in the morning, then I'm going to be doing laundry and taking care of Alpha's tank. I think tomorrow I will also draw and/or paint. I haven't painted in a while.

I am really hungry for some reason. And I'm doing horribly at working on my posture! This is going to be difficult.

April 16, 2008

I started doing "couch-to-5k" on Monday, so today was my second day of running. I get this mental block every time I try to run. If I see people, I just automatically think they are watching me and it's hard to concentrate on running. So today I just gave up running. It was bad. I'm going to go running again on Friday, but this time I'm going to run at the cemetery. There is a path there that I can run on. There's usually nobody there, so I will have some privacy.

April 15, 2008

I spring cleaned the bedroom and bathroom today. I don't know why I keep calling it spring cleaning because I'm mainly just organizing, not really cleaning. The bedroom took me all day. I had a lot to do. It looks so much better now, and I'm really happy. Tomorrow I'll go get some organization things... I want some boxes to put my craft things in, and something for the kitchen, then I need to get some lotion and a box for Doug's mom's b.day present. It will be a productive day.

April 14, 2008

Happy birthday to Doug! He's 27 years old today. We mostly celebrated his birthday over the weekend. We went out to dinner and everything, but today I made steak and roasted garlic mashed potatoes and sugar cookies. It was some amazing food! I sometimes surprise myself with what I am able to cook. I also got candles and a banner and party hats. I wanted Doug's birthday to be special for him. I love him so much and I'm so glad he was born. He means the world to me.

April 13, 2008

Today was a great day. Aside from just the normal Sunday stuff we do, we had great "us time". It was really nice to just be together. We read to each other, we had "bedroom time" and we just hung out together the entire day. It was so good. It makes me really look forward to our anniversary since Doug is taking 2 days off. I really want to just have a long span of time where we just spend time together. Weekends are way too short it seems.

April 12, 2008

We have to take the car in this morning in less than an hour. Then we're going to go for a run. I am going to try the couch-to-5k program again. Since I have my ipod I'm hoping it will be easier for me, and I won't be so aware of other people or be self conscious. I am so out of shape, the winter was not good to my weight loss. I'm looking forward to getting back into playing tennis as well, we'll start playing again tomorrow.

April 11, 2008

Day two of spring cleaning went well. I cleaned up the computer wires. I was feeling too lazy to do anything else, but that WAS a project! We were supposed to go out last night so I got all dolled up, but we ended up staying home. We'll (hopefully) go out tonight. I'm really looking forward to it. I love getting out of the apartment. Then we'll come home and watch Star Wars. It should be a good night if everything works out according to the plan!

April 10, 2008

I started spring cleaning today. I am mostly just organizing from now until Wednesday then I will scrub clean on Thursday and Friday. It makes me feel good. I want to start a container garden soon. I'm going to grow spinach, miniature tomatoes, cucumber and possibly edamame. Then I am going to have an herb garden with basil, oregano, parsley and cilantro, and I want a bunch of cat grass for the girls. I still need to research a bit so I can do it right.

April 9, 2008

I am PMSing really bad today. I have cried twice about things that aren't important and don't even matter. I hate being so emotional!

I decided to plant a potted vegetable garden this summer. I'm excited! I'm not really sure if it is even allowed in our building, but I can't see any rules against it. If they ask me to remove it I will. It won't even be visible to anyone unless they actually go on the balcony. We'll see what happens, I guess.

April 8, 2008

My tummy hurts. I made pizza from scratch today. It was okay. The dough didn't turn out quite right. It was a little too thick. It was really tasty other than that, though. I think next time I'm going to make BBQ chicken pizza. I'm excited. Doug got his ipod today. I can't really tell if he is super happy about it or not. I think he is, since as soon as he got it he filled it with songs and went running! Haha.

April 7, 2008

I've got baby fever pretty bad right now. I keep thinking about when Doug and I have babies and how they will look and how we will dress them and what it will be like to be a parent. I am anxious to have kids. I want to see Doug learn and grow as a dad as our baby learns and grows. I want to watch Doug change his first diaper, hold his first baby and generally just learn to be a dad.

April 6, 2008

In Sunday school we talked about the #4 sex needs of men and women. For men it was "initiation" and the women talked about how to assist in that (women DO have a hard time initiating sometimes because of a mental block). One suggestion was to set aside money for "sex life" stuff, including hotel rendez-vous. So Doug and I will do that. I think we'll go away for a weekend in late May or early June. I'm really excited about it!

April 5, 2008

Today is 'Fat Movie Day'! We get to eat whatever crap we want and watch movies all day! It's fantastic! We decided to have a fat movie day once a month where we just veg in front of the tv having movie marathons. Today it is "Band of Brothers" and "Firefly" because Band of Brothers is too serious and gut wrenching to take all at once without a break. Next time it will be Star Wars or Lost season one! Fun!

April 4, 2008

I know I'm not always cheerful and pleasant, but I try to not always be doom and gloom. This one person I know is ALWAYS doom and gloom. Complaining about everything. It's fine for a while, I know not everyone is actually happy about everything, but I think it's a negative habit to have. Every time I see her I just want to be like, "snap out of it!" and tell her to think about something positive. Just be happy!

April 3, 2008

I changed my username on livejournal today. I never really liked my old one, and I thought it was cute at first, but it didn't have any meaning to me. I didn't want the new one to have anything to do with writing, and I wanted it to be part of a quote I like. It is now something I really like that means something to me. It was kind of spontaneous but I'm happy with it for sure.

April 2, 2008

I fell for so many April fool's jokes yesterday. It was bad. Today I feel inspired to do something productive. But it's after 2pm and all I've done is watch almost the whole first season of Laguna Beach. I need to write, and I think I'm ready to start outlining my next novel. I also need to brainstorm about future novels. It's hard work, especially when I'm not feeling particularly creative. I don't always have a creative muse.

April 1, 2008

Melanie and Trevor got their hedgehog (Theodore). He's so cute! It makes me really want a new pet. I guess I just need something else to do. It isn't like I'm unhappy with my kitties. I love my kitties. And we're also going to get puppies when we can, so it's not like there won't be enough animals in our home. I think I'm just bored and a new pet is a good way to cure boredom.

March 31, 2008

Today I am running errands. It's been a while, actually. I need to go to the bank and deposit some checks, and get some coin papers. Then I need to go to shoppers and send off some letters and a package, then I have to buy some random things that we need. I'm happy to get out of the apartment today. I don't really feel very good though. I feel a little under the weather today.

March 30, 2008

Melanie and Trevor got a hedgehog today! I'm soooo jealous! I told Doug I want a bunny and he said no. I can understand where he's coming from, but I still want one! He'd rather just have two cats and two dogs and that's it. It sucks because I really want other things, like a turtle and a bunny and a pig. I know once we have kids I won't care anymore, so it's okay.

March 29, 2008

I removed K from my lj last night. I feel good about it, but it's never a nice thing to feel like you have to remove someone from your life. I did (and do) care about her, so it's hard. I wish things were different, but I can't force us to be friends anymore. I'm not really sure what she is going to do, she already commented and said some mean things, but whatever.

March 28, 2008

What is it about the internet that makes people think they are suddenly psychologists, or doctors? Just because they have the ability to type and read they think they can be all insightful and diagnose a mental problem, or tell you why your friend is acting strange. I feel offering insight into situations is good, but when did it become okay to diagnose people? And worse still is that people believe each other.

March 27, 2008

We got our bonus check today and paid off the credit card! That was super nice, and I'm so happy. We still have some debt on the line of credit, but that will be gone at the end of April... May at the latest.

I decided I'm buying Doug an iPod if he doesn't get one for his birthday. He deserves it. I'll get him a black iPod Nano. I am excited!

March 26, 2008

My mom and dad got me a green iPod nano for my birthday! It's so awesome and I can't believe they would do that for me! I never expected it. I had wanted the green one ever since I saw the commercial with the Feist music video. When I got the package yesterday I said "omigosh omigosh omigosh!" I was so excited. I named it "Lima Bean" and I love it!

March 25, 2008

Yesterday was such a great birthday. I had a really fun time shopping with Melanie. I got a ton of stuff, too! 4 purses, a bunch of earrings, a wallet, 2 shoes, 4 flip-flops, 5 tank tops and 4 t-shirts! That's the most purses I have ever bought on one day! Amazing! I love everything, too, and can't wait to wear it all. :) Especially the shoes. But it's still cold!

March 24, 2008

It's my birthday! I'm 24 years old today. I feel older and newer, and more grateful to be who I am. I played with a Barbie yesterday, and this morning I got hemorrhoids. I'm not really sure what to make of that. I feel that now is the best time for me to embrace myself and love myself. It isn't easy, I'm trying!

Happy golden birthday to me. xoxo

March 23, 2008

It's Easter. I know I should be remembering all that God did for us in sending us His son and letting Him die on the cross so we can live with Him and then Jesus rising from the grave. I am always so grateful for Jesus' sacrifice for me. But today I keep thinking about the fact that tomorrow is my birthday. And that tomorrow is shopping day.

March 22, 2008

It's cold!!! We're running errands today, and then I'll be calling Amy. I'm kind of nervous because I'm afraid things will be weird. I dunno, I guess just because I haven't talked to her since before Christmas.

I painted my nails neon pink, but it looks more like neon orangish pink. I want more neon colors, maybe green and blue and pink. :) This color is really bright!

March 21, 2008

Today has been a really good and productive day! Tomorrow Melanie and Trevor are stopping by so I wanted to make sure the apartment looked decent, so we cleaned. And Doug suggested that we clean together every weekend, so that was great! We're going to watch some Firefly in a bit, which I am happy about because it is my new favorite show! I love it!

March 20, 2008

Today started my birthday festivities! I got a haircut. It looks cute! Tomorrow is house cleaning and chores day, nothing special, but Doug is off work! Saturday M&T will be here for a bit and then we run errands and I get to talk to Amy! I'm excited. Most of all I can't wait for my birthday in 3 days! It is getting close!

March 19, 2008

I just want the sun to shine. I always feel better when the sun is shining. Right now it is gray and dull. It makes me sleepy and sad. My mood is very affected by the weather.

Right now Delilah is driving me nuts! she keeps meowing for no reason and I can't get her to stop. I just want her to stop now!

March 18, 2008

I'm so so excited for my birthday! I am for sure getting 2 pairs of shoes, one purse and a couple shirts. I also want to get stuff from Lush, get a clutch, and get capris and maybe a few more shirts. It will depend on how much money I have. I'm really excited though and can't stop thinking about my birthday shopping!

March 17, 2008

Jealousy is a weird thing. I'm jealous of my friend's best friend. I guess because they've known each other for a long time, and I just want to get to that place with her. It's like I have competition. They say girls always compare themselves to other girls, and it's true. I compare myself to her because I want to be her.

March 16, 2008

I told Melanie I have a friend-crush on her today. She didn't say anything back, but I'm pretty sure I didn't scare her. I hope not anyway. I want to be friends with her. I find myself hoping/wishing she would respond to my posts/comments... I guess I just want some kind of affirmation that she wants to be my friend too.

March 15, 2008

Doug is playing too much WoW today. He started playing around 9am and it is now 2pm and he's STILL playing! I have a feeling that if I wasn't around he would really play all day long on the weekends. I don't mind him playing, but geez. FIVE hours on a Saturday when you could be with your wife? Grrrr.

March 14, 2008

It's sunny today! I love it. We booked a campsite with M and T for July 11-14. I'm beyond excited. We have to buy a bunch of stuff (lantern, sleeping bags, air mattress, cooler, camp stove) but we have a lot of time to buy it, and we'll probably wait until the last minute. I totally cannot wait now!

March 13, 2008

Found out we'll get about 40% of Doug's bonus taken from taxes. So we won't be able to pay off debt right away, but I sat down this morning and worked it all out. We'll be out of debt sometime in April. At the very latest, the first week of May. It's still great, we're happy with that.

March 12, 2008

I feel like a really bad wife right now. I just checked the status of our finances, and it's not what I thought it was. We owe more than I thought. Doug is getting a bonus this month that will get use out of debt, but I thought we'd have more left over. I feel so bad.

March 11, 2008

I ordered some stuff from Victoria's Secret. For our anniversary. I got a bra/panties set and also some plain cotton nighties (not for our anniversary). I also bought an edible bra for our anniversary from a sex place. Haha. I get so nervous and embarrassed with those things, even though I'm married and can have sex!

March 10, 2008

I want to be more sensual. This is a really weird thing to say, I know, but it's true. I want to be more in touch with my sexuality... I guess. I have no idea why I'm writing this here, because it's sort of a personal issue. But it doesn't matter no one reads this.

March 9, 2008

It was a very weird day internally. I kept thinking about the strangest things. Other than that it was a nice day. It was a great weekend, really. Relaxing. We didn't do much at all, but it was great just to be together and do nothing. I love my husband so so very much.

March 8, 2008

oh my gosh. it will not stop snowing! it's been snowing since last night, and now we are buried... almost. i also have cramps from hell today. it's bad. i just want to rip out my uterus. but i won't because i need it in a few years to make babies. okay bye.

March 7, 2008

I just finished all the cleaning for today. I vacuumed, dusted, swept and mopped. I need to clean Alpha's tank now, then I'm going to the corner store to get some snacks for tonight. I'm excited that it is the weekend. This week went by surprisingly fast. Thanks goodness for that, too!

March 6, 2008

I did a major cleaning today. I scrubbed the bathroom (toilet, counters, tub, walls) and the kitchen (counters, stove, microwave, walls) and scrubbed mold off a few walls and windowsills. Tomorrow I'll sweep, mop, vacuum and dust and do laundry. Right now I am totally and completely pooped! Cleaning is hard!

March 5, 2008

18 days until my birthday! Doug got a snow day today, and it was definitely beneficial to me. I really needed him to stay home today as I've been feeling quite lonely lately. I'm doing much better today, but we'll see how tomorrow is. I'm already anxious for the weekend.

March 4, 2008

I was finally able to get money on the laundry card, so today I need to do laundry. I have somewhere between four and six loads to wash. I'm going to try to do two at a time so it gets done quicker. Hopefully it isn't too busy today.

March 3, 2008

I'm back to feeling blah today. I don't know what it is, maybe the weather? I'm tired of gray days, I need some sunshine. I just felt really bored today, and everything made me wish it was Sunday again. I can't wait until my b.day, in three weeks!

March 2, 2008

I feel a million times better today. We went to church, and Future Shop, and grocery shopping and came home and geeked it out. We played Super Mario 3 on wii, then played WoW. It's been a really good day, and the sun was shining for me.

March 1, 2008

Happy March first. I wish it would stop snowing already. I want to get out of the house today, but I doubt we will. It's 3pm and I don't think Doug has even eaten anything. I'm bored. I am always bored. What is wrong with me?

February 29, 2008

THANK GOODNESS it's Friday! I just do not want to be alone anymore! Doug was going to call in sick today, but I told him not to. Instead, he's taking March 21st off so he gets a 4-day weekend for Easter. That will be nice.

February 28, 2008

I am really anxious for the next year to bring the things we are planning for. Especially for us to get a new car, and buy a house and get a dog. All very exciting things, but they are also things that are intimidating.

February 27, 2008

I've been drawing a lot lately. I wish I was good at it. I love to draw, but I am not good at it! I am okay, but nothing to write home about. My mom thinks it's silly that I draw at all.

February 26, 2008

I really wish Doug could take some vacation time or work from home or something. I feel lonely today. I hate when I get like this, because I feel so needy. I don't know what is wrong with me either, it sucks!

February 25, 2008

I really hate Mondays. I just wish weekends lasted longer! I miss Doug every Monday, and I end up feeling really lazy and bored. In other news, the daydreams haven't stopped yet. I really wish I could turn off my brain!

February 24, 2008

Sometimes I wonder if there were any other versions of my life. If I had made a different choice somewhere along the way, what would have been different? Would it have changed me much? Would I be a different girl?

February 23, 2008

I've been daydreaming a lot, and it makes me feel quite strange. Sometimes I feel like I just slip into this parallel universe and I'm just spending the entire day in a daydream state of mind. It's really weird.

February 22, 2008

I don't want to be seen today. I feel so freaking ugly. Ever have days like that? Where you feel like a giant pickle in purple, fuzzy, footie pajamas? Yeah. That's me today. A giant pickle in pajamas.

February 21, 2008

I'm always worried about Alpha. I think the health of a fish is very fleeting. I know I take good care of him, and if he dies, I should just remember that, but I really like him.

February 20, 2008

Some days I feel really alone. I hate it. It's like, this unavoidable loneliness that just hits me. I really just want it to go away. There's not even anything I can do about it, though.

February 19, 2008

I had a fun time playing WoW last night. I ran an instance called Deadmines with a PUG and I was so worried I was going to suck, especially with my pet, but I didn't!

February 18, 2008

It's family day here, and Doug is at work. I wish he had a 3-day weekend. Oh well. I keep thinking about things. I want to make some changes, but am not sure how.

February 17, 2008

I had a really good time last night. I really, really like Melanie. I'm afraid that I will annoy her though, because I keep telling her how glad I am to know her.

February 16, 2008

I've decided that I want to start being more myself, no matter where I am or who I am with. I just want to be 100% me. It's so hard to do!

February 15, 2008

So yesterday was the geekiest Valentine's Day I have ever had. We played World of Warcraft all night. It was fun, but man I am becoming a huge geek! Oh well.

February 14, 2008

Happy Valentine's Day! Doug and I celebrated last Saturday, so we have no plans, but I must say it is really nice to know I will always have a Valentine.

February 13, 2008

I am really hoping Doug gets a snow day today. I'd love that! He is still on the road, if there is too much traffic he will come home.

February 12, 2008

We ran Dead Mines with Melanie and Trevor last night. It was fun, but slightly chaotic. I'd like to play with them again. It's fun playing with friends.

February 11, 2008

Alpha's heater should arrive between Wednesday and Friday. I don't care which day it is, though sooner would be better. I just want him to be warm!

February 10, 2008

It was so freezing cold today. I'm worried about my fish. I am anxious for his heater to arrive, I'm sure he'll be so happy too.

February 9, 2008

Happy Saturday. Today is the day Doug and I celebrate Valentine's Day. His dad is here, which... um... changes things a bit. But it's fine.

February 8, 2008

Some people should learn to be more considerate. Politeness and manners are really important. In other news: it's Friday. Thank goodness! I love weekends.

February 7, 2008

In an ideal world, the plows would clear our streets and parking lot, but we'd still get snow days. I miss Doug today.

February 6, 2008

I have a case of the 'blahs' and I don't know what to do about it. I just want to get out!

February 5, 2008

I wish I was as well dressed as my meez. I know it's cliche, but I never have anything to wear.

February 4, 2008

I feel like the only person who updates this journal every day. It makes me feel guilty for having time.

February 3, 2008

I should want to go to church, but I don't. I'm pretty sure this means I'm a bad Christian.

February 2, 2008

Certain moments in winter I begin to long for sunny southern California. Snow makes things so difficult sometimes.

February 1, 2008

Snow day today! Doug gets to stay home today! He has to work, but oh-well! Happy February!

January 31, 2008

It takes a lot to make a relationship work. It takes time to figure things out.

January 30, 2008

It's sad that I wanted to watch Harry Potter and not talk to my mom.

January 29, 2008

Dish drying racks are so expensive! $40 for just a plain one, it's crazy!

January 28, 2008

I feel like the only person who regularly updates this thing. How sad.

January 27, 2008

I had a crazy bad dream last night. Wish I could forget.

January 26, 2008

I discovered a new love for Canada, France and the UK.

January 25, 2008

Today is Andrea's birthday. We need to send her gift.

January 24, 2008

I don't want to be friends with them anymore.

January 23, 2008

Much depends on how we live our lives.

January 22, 2008

Got medicine for Alpha in the mail.

January 21, 2008

yesterday marked 7years since she died

January 20, 2008

The bitter cold surprises me.

January 19, 2008

WOW is actually fun!

January 18, 2008

I feel alive.

January 17, 2008

finding youth

January 16, 2008

Searching.