Last entry. How lovely. I'm not sad at all.

So this morning, my dog threw up. Right at my bedroom door. I was angry because having to clean it up makes me gag. But my younger brother refuses, and it's not like I was going to call my dad to come home to clean up after the dog. So I sprayed it with perfume because it's the smell that's so disgusting. And then I felt really bad for telling my dog that I hated him because it was like his barely digested breakfast that he threw up, not grass, so he's probably not feeling well.

Anyway, this is it. I may be back, but I may not be. I'm dropping LRRH for the time being too, but you're welcome to email me at speak2wind [AT] gmail [DOT] com and if you want my YIM and/or AIM screennames, just email (offer good only if I know who you are).

Last three words.

Sigh. One hundred sixty words is really not a lot, I know that, but it sure seems like it is.

One hundred forty words. Still seems like an awful lot.

I've decided to stop regular blogging officially. Blogging should be fun, and lately, it just hasn't been. So I'm not going to blog. (And it's not because I want to move. Though I have an awesome Blogger layout, I'm happy enough using WordPress and I'm happy enough with http://thegoosegirl.wordpress.com. I just don't want to blog, and that probably wouldn't be different on another blogging site.)

Unfortunately, I'm making myself keep this up because I'd hate to quite when I'm like less than a month away from the halfway point. Which is sort of exciting. And then in April, I can decide if I want to do another year of this or not.

Or I can just stick with ending this journal tomorrow. (I changed it.) Who knows? Certainly not me.

I've had "Love Story" stuck in my head like all day. All day. Not lying. It's my favorite song of the moment, though, so...it doesn't really bother me. And I want those dresses, btw.

I sat over at Body Zone while my brother's volleyball team practiced. I did a little calculus, but then I wrote. And wrote. I must have written over 2000 words. Current word count is...13101 words. And that is happy-making. Even if the words are crappy ones. They're still words that (hopefully) tell a story (or will).

And fortunately the battery lasted. And so I shall write for two hours every Monday afternoon. Because I can. And because I should. Because I should finish this novel. Even if it's awful and has a confusing (read "no") plot.

Pater made me organize his MP3 player because all the music's on my computer. I was half-tempted to put Josh Groban on, but he probably wouldn't understand. rolls eyes

Sweat is disgusting. It was really hot at Special Olympics and my clothes were soaked. Ick ick ick. Really ick. Ick squared to the infinite ick power.

And I'm like out of money. Darn you, gas prices! And darn you, places I must drive to!

I'm addicted to Taylor Swift's new single, "Love Story". I've listened to it like ten times since yesterday.

Darn it. I'm not even halfway through yet.

I didn't really get anything done today. Mainly because I wanted to work on stuff this afternoon until my mom reminded me that there was volleyball today.

And tomorrow's pretty much out because of class, taking my brother to volleyball, and flute.

I hate being busy. To be contradictory, I hate having nothing to do.

The "Light Siders" make me laugh sometimes.

Still not done.

I think I'm going to go write now. I'd get some cheese popcorn, but it's close to dinner.

Darn you, slow website!

Tonight I think we're going to see "Twelve Angry Men" because I have to see it and write a review of it for Intro to Drama. How not fun.

I really should get some writing done. But well I just can't. I'm stuck. Which is really not fun. Maybe I should print out what I have of a first draft and start editing just so I keep working on the story. I'll scribble a quick ending to Chapter 6 and then edit. Or maybe after I finish Chapter 6 I'll have a better idea.

Writing is evil, and don't let anyone try to convince you that it's anything but. Because it is. And you should only write if you really have to. If you can live without writing, don't star.

And I also want to finish "Song of the Sparrow" tonight. Which should be possible. Maybe. Or I can finish it tomorrow. And do physics and calculus....

What do you think makes people put their lights on when it's cloudy and rainy but not when it's so freaking foggy that you can't see a foot in front of you and having lights on is like necessary? I'm trying to figure this out, and I can't.

I hate driving in the city. It's really not fun. But unfortunately, I really don't know how to get home from the library without TomTom, and because of the turn-only lanes and everything, TomTom is only so much help. Plus, when I asked TomTom to take me home and I got on the bypass that I actually knew where I'm going, TomTom wanted me to get off. And I was like, "What the heck?" So I turned TomTom off. But even still, the world would be much harder place to drive without GPS navigating systems for cars.

I'm starving, so I shall eat and then do schoolwork. Fun.

I hate shopping. Probably because there's like nothing I actually like and/or would wear. It's really evil when you think about it.

And it's even worse because I sort of desperately need some new clothes. I'm pretty much sick of everything I have.

And now I still need over a hundred words... Hmm...

I need to write. I started Chapter 6 last night. Which is fun because it's a rewrite of the Hair-Braiding Scene. Only this version probably won't be as good. Current word count is 8873. It's pretty crappy, but what else is editing for?

Now I need fifty words approximately.

I really hate the key of E flat major. I never really liked flat keys, though. Well, major keys. I love g minor I like minor keys more than major keys.

Someone is mowing their lawn. And it's making it hard for me to hear my music. And that irritates me.

And...

Finished.

I wonder why I even worry about school. That essay? I got a check mark plus, which means "analysis beyond references to the book", which is good. Only I'm having trouble reading the teacher's comments. Except for the one where she asked if that thing about the rain was my own idea, or else I'd need to cite where I found it, but it actually was my own idea. After AP Lit, I better be able to analyze works.

After class, I went to Borders and read Rapunzel's Revenge. I want it. I loved it. I'm not entirely sure what my thoughts are on of the graphic novel format in general, but I can't imagine this story any other way. But it was fantastic.

It was sort of my reward for doing well on my paper. And because I didn't want to wait until Monday.

Now I must do calculus. Then I can write....

Physics: Torture when I'm awake. Nearly impossible when I'm falling asleep.

Calculus: It's even worse knowing I didn't have to take it.

Intro to Drama: It's probably not good to think "Class tomorrow. Darn it." Not that I hate the class. It's being out of the house for two hours that I hate.

Government: Bor-ing. Maybe because I seriously hate politics since like in my ideal world, commmunism would like totally work.

Economics: is actually pretty interesting.

Music: I love flute and piano, seriously, but I think that maybe I should have said that I wanted to quit lessons.

Creative Writing II: Of course I love it since like I'd write anyway.

So yeah...really, I only like writing and econ. Everything else? Hate it.

Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever like school again. Or if I'll ever be able to think about tomorrow or whatever without getting stressed and freaking out and imploding.

Freaking out about that essay. I feel like I was maybe off-topic, but seriously, that's what happens when you've only got two pages MLA-format to write about a prompt that sort of has two parts. You can't cover everything. Gah.

I have been home for like fifteen minutes. In less than an hour, I must leave again to take my brother to volleyball. I think I'm going to go sit at Borders and read. And then tonight I have flute. I will spend most of today out of the house, or so it will seem. How lovely. At least I have all day tomorrow to do calculus and physics.

I've discovered why Yale is so expensive. They send out really nice viewbooks to people WHO HAVE EXPRESSED ABSOLUTELY NO INTEREST IN THE SCHOOL.

I'm hungry; I'm going to go make something to eat. And maybe make dinner for tonight...Sigh. Sigh sigh sigh.

Twelve Angry Men has got to be one of the most infuriating plays ever written, but I love it to death. Seriously. It just blows my mind. The hypocrisy of some of these jurors...

And I have to write a paper on it. I think I know what I want to say, but there's just so much to say, and it's just a two-page paper, MLA format. That's nothing for a play that's got so much depth it makes me dizzy to think about. And I can't decide on how exactly to word my thesis.

Maybe I like it so much because it relates so well to my own life, the liberal agnostic associating with conservative Christians. I feel like the 8th juror arguing with the 3rd and 10th jurors who seem unaware of their contradictions in their arguments. (Not that my beliefs don't lack contradictions.) It's so aggravating at times.

I'm seriously half-tempted to delete this journal. And my blog. And ask LR to delete my LRRH account. And then smash my computer against the ground.

Did I ever mention that I hate the internet but am hopelessly addicted to it?

So if I did any of the above, I'd probably really regret it.

Unfortunately.

Anyway. There are like eight hours left and I've gotten like nothing done. And I'm too washed out to be freaking out.

I really don't want to write this.

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Done. (And that is pretty representative of my mind.)

More being stressed and freaking out for absolutely no reason. And I realize I'm freaking out for no reason, which makes me freak out even more just because I can't relax. I mean, it's the weekend and I feel like I'm wasting time or doing something I shouldn't be writing this. Even though I should have enough time to do stuff over the weekend. But it NEVER SEEMS TO HAPPEN. And it seems like it's never going to end. Probably because it never will.

Writing depressing posts much?

But I really have little else to talk about about because that's the state of my mind at the moment. And that will probably continue to be the state of my mind until I'm dead. {Yes, I'm a pessimist, so nice of you to notice. [And yes, I live for sarcasm. (And no, I am not a very nice, likable person .)]}

Yay for books! Last week I won Melissa Walker's "Violet" series from Elizabeth Scott (who writes fantastic books, btw) and today when I went to get the mail, there was a lovely puffy envelope. And when I opened it, not only where there the three Violet books but also a copy of Stealing Heaven which yay! I've wanted to read desperately because like I said, Elizabeth Scott writes some of the best contemporary young adult fiction out there.

But then I had to do calculus. And now I have a headache. And I think after I write this, it's off to read more of "Violet on the Runway" which rocks and maybe I'll attend the rgz chat tonight with Melissa Walker.

And I did get all my schoolwork done for today so yay! Over the weekend I'll get my log caught up and study for the SAT... Exciting...

That was evil. Very evil. So I had class this morning, but because they're working on the street, I can't use the driveway. So my dad had moved the car this morning. No big deal. But I had to get some groceries, and I did that on the way home. Yeah...and then they were like working between the street where I parked and our house, so I decided to walk around the other way. So I had to carry this not-that-heavy box and my bag (which contained a college textbook=HEAVY!)) and it's not that it was that far as distance, but it was sort of hot and I was wearing flipflops and boxes are not meant to be carried such distances. Yeah.

My mouth hurts, and I'm tempted to go make a chai and write, since I don't want to do calculus. That I'll do tonight. Fun.

Making videos is sort of fun, though I did say "um" way too much. That's what happens when you don't have things written out though.

Anyway...I think I'm going to go get ready for bed and maybe do some writing, but probably not. Physics is more likely. Yeah...really not fun, but it must be done.

God. I'm like freaking out because of stress and the school year has barely started. But I'm petrified that I'm going to go to class tomorrow and the professor will be like, "Now, on Monday..." which is silly because I did check on the site and it did say the college was closed for Labor Day, but even still. I'm scared.

And stressed. But that's nothing new.

And then whenever I think about being done with high school after this year, I remember that there's still four years of college. Yep.

So I watched parts of various "Stop hating on Stephenie Meyer!" videos on YouTube. Oh my god, they're hysterically and seriously, I'm proud to be on the Dark Side. Most of the videos make no sense, and unbelievable, and swear way more than they should. There's this really crazy person...oh god it's great. At first, I wasn't sure that she was serious. She was, but...it was hard to tell. I mean, I doubt the videos are supposed to be amusing, but they are. And some of the Dark Side responses? Great stuff. Totally awesome.

Of course, I'm probably biased. Which is fine. Isn't everyone? I mean, most of the "defenders" are sort of asking for it, whereas I really don't think most of the Dark Side comments are said in absolute seriousness but are mostly just to relieve anger and disappointment. Yeah...it's rather amusing... Mostly.

Stephenie Meyer has inspired me to write a story. Because I am so creative and it's like I didn't like Breaking Dawn because there's a story inside me that needs to be written. Well, that's not why I didn't like Breaking Dawn and I already know I need to write, but Stephenie saying that has given me a great story idea:

A teenage girl is so let down by her favorite author that she goes insane, sets off to kill said author, and ends up locked in a mental institution.

The Dark Side on Amazon has approved, and I really think it's going to be a bestseller. I mean, it will be an examination of the author/reader relationship. And I can't wait to tell everyone that Stephenie Meyer inspired it. I'll probably get to meet her! Won't that be so much fun? evil laughter

I think I'm going to spend most of today writing. Chapter 4, people. Chapter 4. is excited It's not my best writing, those first three chapters, and they're also pretty short, but whatever. As long as I'm writing, right? So maybe I could get to Chapter 5 today. Which would rock.

Only now I have a slight headache. And my eyes are starting to hurt. The problem with wearing glasses all the time. If I wore contacts I could take them out, but I really need my glasses.

Anyway. Maybe I'll go read instead. And then write later. And make a chai. Possibly not iced since it's sort of cold.

And maybe I'll write those emails to Maribeth and Leigha. 'Cause I put those off like way too long. And I could probably email Jacki as well...I probably should. 'Cause I feel guilty.

What to say what to say?...

I still hate Stephenie Meyer. Her reaction to the Midnight Sun leak is infuriating. Seriously, Steph, I get that it's a violation of copyright. But sheesh. Suck it up and finish the damn book. And next time, don't give out partial drafts of a very highly anticipated book. 'Kay?

I am probably totally overreacting, but then, so is she. And it's just infuriating. The whole thing is. But I honestly don't think that Stephenie Meyer can say anything right anymore. People will either continuely to blindly worship her or will continue to hate her or they'll lose more faith in her.

And that's kind of sad. That's why I feel bad for her, not for the leak. (What if she leaked it?) But for everything you say to be wrong? That has got to seriously suck.

I've been like a zombie the whole day. I have done nothing. Seriously. Actually, right now is when I'm showing the most signs of life, consuming vanilla ice cream topped with whipped cream and chocolate syrup. Otherwise, I have been out of it like all day. I will probably be out of it tomorrow as well.

I'd like to watch a movie, but that would require me going downstairs since I think I'd like to watch Music and Lyrics. Maybe I will. And like halfway through, maybe I can convince my dad to make popcorn.

Or I could skip a movie and read. But I think, going by the--Ooh! "You Are Loved"! Yay!--way that I've just beeing staring at the pages rather than actually taking in the words...watching a movie would be more productive. And I'm all about being productive. Snort.

Currently I have a headache and really could go to bed. After I do some writing, of course. Otherwise, I could since I pretty much got my school work done. Wow. It's not even one o'clock. Note to self: make a habit of waking up at six thirty every morning, reading for half an hour, and then starting phyiscs and calculus at promptly seven o'clock, finishing up at approximately eight thirty. The scary thing is I'll probably do another lesson of both tonight.

I need to clean off my desk.

Another scary thing is when your last name looks really weird and like it's always spelled wrong. Granted, I do have a weird last name (for all that it's a real word in the English language) but lately, I see it and just think, "Is that really spelled correctly?" Yeah.

Being a writer is evil. For the first time in a while, I can actually write, so I was up past midnight writing. And then I woke up at like seven, so I only got like seven hours of sleep, which is not long enough. Because now I'm tired and sort of have a headache, and I'm cold too because my fan's on high and my hair is wet. Not a good combination. I'm thinking I'll go down and make a cup of tea, and then get physics and calculus out of the way. Then I can read government and economics and that play for Drama tomorrow (even though we're reading it in class, I want to read it before hand). Yeah. Right now, it seems possible. I just have to stay off the computer. Sound possible? It's not.

I must do my chores, and then school work. Since I blew the whole morning. Sort of. I go to class way early and then it took like fifteen minutes to get my parking permit (and student ID). Then I went to Borders, and traffic was sort of slow. And I couldn't find Rapunzel's Revenge! So I ended up not reading it. But I did get another Josh Groban CD (yay!) and The Fray CD (so I don't have to steal my brothers. glares at Leigha) and woot! They were both on sale for fifty percent off! Then I went to Best Buy and got Taylor Swift's CD. And listened to that on the way home.

And then I realized that maybe I shouldn't have spent almost forty dollars today, but I did go to the library, so...

Ah! Could it be true? Could I have I figured out some ways to solve the various problems of "Arianna"? It seems very very likely. I still have to actually have to start writing, but I'm thinking it will work. It makes more sense, I think. But it could not work, you know. Because I still have to start writing. But I'm not feeling discouraged about it at the moment, and that rocks.

So I reorganized all the folders (yay for real writing software!) so it's nice and neat and now I can start writing.

And I have. So far, so good. Granted, I only have two sentences written, but that's better than no sentences, right? Maybe not. I've got nothing better to do at the moment.

Only I have to drive my younger brother around today.

I've had "Semi-Charmed Life" stuck in my head all day. It is starting to annoy. Anyway. So earlier, I dropped my dad off at work (don't I feel old) and then had to go get applications at various places. I sort of got lost coming back to Carpenter, but I didn't panic. My dad was like thirty minutes late, so I read some and then talked to the security guard who came over to see why there was a Jetta parked there. It was so hot waiting. Then we had to go to the bike shop so my dad could get a new tire. And then on the way home, we stopped at Sheetz so my dad could get coffee and I GOT A PEPSI SLUSHIE! I haven't had one in so long. Totally yummy. Anyway.

My younger brother spoke blasphemy last night; I am still suitably indignant. I was flipping through the CDs he had brought along and remarked that Scary Kids Scaring Kids is a silly name for a band. Because you know, it is. And do you know what he said? "So is Josh Groban." And I said, "But he's not a band." And my younger brother said, "It's still a silly name for a musical artist." And I said nothing. What was I supposed to say? But then I listened to Josh Groban on the way home, until I switched it to Third Eye Blind, until I turned it off because my battery was running low and my dad had turned the radio on. And then I think I fell asleep. I'm still tired.

Lucky stupid dog.

Today my older brother goes off to college. Sort of a scary thought. He, my dad, and my younger brother left; my mom and I are going up when she gets back from in service. So like, around four. We must be on the other side of Allentown by five, she says.

I am very tempted to go to Borders today and get Rapunzel's Revenge. I could read it on the way to Wilkes-Barre. But then I realized that I wouldn't be able to wait to read it. And there's this little thing called having to pay for gas which is expensive. Since I have to go to RACC tomorrow to get a parking permit and just to make sure I can get there, I figure I'll stop at Borders on the way home.

I don't want to:

Keep up this journal anymore. I've got really nothing to say. And that's not fun. But I can't quit because I'd also like to see this through.

Blog anymore. But I still do because it's really hard to quit. And people actually like my blog, though I don't necessarily see why.

Visit LRRH anymore. But I still do because it's really hard to quit. And how are you supposed to tell people that even though they're your friends, you sort of can't have friends at the moment? Because that doesn't even really make sense.

Do physics. Unsurprisingly. But I have to.

Write. Well, actually, I'd love to be able to write. But at the moment, I just can't, and it makes everything suck even more than it already does.

I'm hungry. Unfortunately, there doesn't seem to be a lot to eat downstairs. I shall have to see again, I suppose.

I did two physics lessons this morning. I don't understand it, but whatever. I think I'm doing better this year than I did last year, but maybe that's because I sort of remember this stuff whereas last year it was completely new.

This draft box is still driving me insane. Why can't it be quicker to respond? I guesss I just type too fast.

I guess I need to read some of the Government book today, though I'd much rather read more of QoA. I love that book so much.

The Twilight series is back on my shelf, but I still hate the books and like everything related to Stephenie Meyer.