what has come over me since? i'm confused. but then again, i'm always confused. i have always been confused. you, my imaginary friend, you are also confused. that lady singing to herself on the subway this morning; she was confused. everyone is confused, all the time. so dont tell me you are not.

what would you do if i finally made a move? would you kiss me back?

and then what? where do we go from there?

they say you are infested with demons, and i know it's true cause i can see them raging inside your head.

they poke their heads out of your eyes when we're drunk.

drunk on a motel bed, your eyes didnt sparkle or anything, but i still thought you were beautiful.

what if i kissed you right there on that bed, what would you have done?

you'll always be 15 to me, cause youre still just so unsure about yourself.

don't you see? you are the broken winged, the raven, the crow, the blackbird, you are everything i have ever wanted.

you the music, you are the blade, you are the vampire stories i lived in for so long. you are the vampire i've always dreamed of meeting.

the demons steal your dreams as you sleep, and they chase your hopes,

so just walk along the beach with me, and forget all the rest.

i just want to feel something real.

i'm sick of living in my head, where nothing is real, and everything i feel is so fucking fake.

you know that i miss you? you have always been something real to me. lying awake, tripping out you were always lying next to me. i could feel you there, so i hold on tight to how it feels cause i can't imagine myself stuck in this reality without your presence to pull me through.

girl, you pull me though.

"i like you."

you will never see the gold, it's in your face. and i'm open-faced to you.

so you stand in the rain all night and wonder why you are so wet and cold in the end.

boy, you are lost.

cause your dreams have left you, deserted in whole-hearted depression, i can see it in your eyes as you look at me across the pillows.

but look away, cause you never could see what you really need.

what you need is me.

22 miles to go until we're back home, and the highway seems so long.

you played sweet songs.

it was Cotton Crush, but i'm so, so high. I thought i could see your heartbeat float up to the sky and through the rainclouds.

wish for sunshine, babe.

cause it's raining on the beach and i can't seem to picture myself swiming in the rain, or swimming with you.

but the car sounds so peaceful, and i feel secure.

we should drive forever, don't stop here.

okay, so you call me back. how long has it been? months. and months.

and only because that boy from London hung himself last night, at 17.

"we don't know why he did it." of course not, you never stopped to ask. but for all you knew, it could have been me. so i'm supposed to unselfishly console you?

and you didn't even know, today is my birthday.

i'll buy you out, boy.

spend every penny to see you alive.

now, if only you'll come to me, we can start discussing method of payment. now, i don't have a lot of money. money, money, money but i think; maybe some people look past that, at least in small ways.

your cheque, Sir, is in the mail.

"i knew you were real! i just knew you would always come for me!"

that would be me. hopeful and vampire-obsessed. i would finally start to see them, because after all this time my head has finally brought my dreams and fantasies into a sense of touchable truth. truth i can feel. truth i can really feel.

peaches? FUCKING PEACHES?! i want more! i want more, more, more. i want turkish delight, i want world peace, i want to pet polar bears, i want to sleep in streets, and to be free of disease!!!

"Peaches, peaches, peaches and creme."

Preacher of peaches, why do you mock me!?

"i just LOVE peaches and creme."

there is some sort of lifeforce circulating through each and every existing being, conscious or not. the elves and sprites dance sullenly down the streets of a never-sleeping urban forest. they spread the good force of life as they parade about, sprinkling it on the leaves of the sky-reaching cement buildings, coloring the unnatural ground.

so... can anyone else see the giant rock floating above our heads? it's floating above our bustling city, directly above our everyday existance. it just sits there dangling in the sky, and at night you can see the lights eminating from it's top. so beautifully suspended, they built a new city on the exterior.

perfect. underwater, i feel perfect. above the clouds, i feel utterly perfect. for the first time, though, i feel perfectly safe here above water, and grounded. my feet are planted so i just stand here swaying to the beat of the earth's slow rotations, yet it feels like only minutes have passed.

turning and returning to static in my head, falling forward but not really falling at all. i let my feet go and gently tumbled backwards onto the soft air that caught my fall. floating upwards i felt so real, yet so surreal. i closed my eyes and smiled through the hallucination.

the colors of the couch beside me were blissfully floating in and out of focus, breathing. the couch, too, begun to breathe. the floor, the walls, and then the ceiling all started breathing in time. wrapped in a vortex of colors, i finally joined them, and took a deep breath.

nicotine is my best friend. carbon monoxide is my lover. formaldehyde is my sister, hydrogen cyanide my brother. my name is benzene and i am an alcoholic. toxic emissions take the place of the blood that used to run through me, so i eat tobacco for breakfast with coffee.

i am always in funerals. when you see them ghosts and vampires across the street, search the crowded nullity for my face. because when my head gets lost in itself, i pause for a moment and i realize that i very well might be dead.

the color of the city tonight screams red, so i walked home with my eyes closed. i've done it so many times i've got it all memorized. i don't open my eyes the whole way, i always keep them closed, all through the night. i am never open-eyed.

i felt like eating a fish, so i went to the beach and caught one. "you don't want to eat me," he screamed. "I'm toxic!" I gobbled him up before i lost the thought of my stomach being pumped in the emergency ward, licked my fingers clean.

If you need to find me, just go out to your backdoor cemetary, dig me up. When i was a kid i fell through an old well in my backyard, 6 feet deep and i thought i was going to die. i never really came out.

baby boy, you were a waterfall. baby boy, you were a summer storm, a nebula, black hole, snowflakes, cigarette smoke, you were definitely a manatee, dragonflies, grey skies, marijuana, and the citylights. baby boy, you were my everything.

a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z. don't you know it's going to be alright, cause i don't think i do.

don't touch me, don't look at me, don't even ask me if i'm doing alright. because i know that i'm okay, i know that when i open my eyes underwater, everything seems so much clearer than on the surface.

oh hey, when you get to the bottom, let me know. i'll make sure i'm not there to toss you a rope. because then we will both know what it's like to kill yourself every night, only to wake up alive the next day.

my blood gets thinner each moment. i fall back onto park benches and i swing until the full moon touches my face. i swung higher and higher, the overwhelming beauty of everything around me just as intoxicating as the cheap beer we drank.

"accept the universe" was the thought that popped into my head. i like to think about my new idea that there is a lifeforce radiating through every existance; everything intertwined, everything illuminate. such an intimate realization, and i suddenly feel less alone.

A thought came to me last night. my eyes were closed, i was floating in the sea, and everywhere i looked i saw nothing but seaweed. seaweed dreams. they let me dance in them, i let them know what it's like.

Save your strength, so that in the end, you're not the one left behind. So you're not the one confessing that he expects nothing more than nothing, so you're not the one who will always feel alone.

Same fake personality. Same fake pose, fake possie. Fake, fake, fake, fake, faek, faeek, fakjknm, skjdnflajskdn. Where do you go when your mind sleeps? Where are you, that I can't seem to find you dreaming anymore?

Running from the truth, closing my eyes, you are there. You are there, you are there, you are there. Always, you are there. I open my eyes and across the crowd, you are always there.